Symbiosis
by alliterationhor
Summary: “You’re killing us both already.”


TITLE: Symbiosis  
DISCLAIMER: I own nothing.  
SPOILERS: YES YES YES! for 125.  
WARNING: (part) vampire-ishness.  
AUTHOR'S NOTE: I think Sakura has a bit too much personality to be considered IC. and even _I_ want to slap Fai in this.  
Comments/concrit appreciated.

* * *

**Symbiosis**

There was a mug filled with a thick red liquid in the refrigerator.

Fai's shoulders and arms trembled as he stared at it.

He wanted to fling the mug at the wall as hard as he could. He wanted the satisfaction of hearing it shatter, of watching the blood drip down the walls.

But that would make a mess.

Fai closed the refrigerator.

-----

Fai had not spoken to Kurogane in days. Not since they had left the last world, where Fai had almost died. Not since.

Fai was as cheerful and smiling as ever; except for the bandage over his eye, one would never know that anything was different.

Except for the way Fai acted toward Kurogane. Or, did _not_ act toward Kurogane. As far as Fai was concerned, Kurogane had ceased to exist.

Kurogane had figured out the game quickly, and had refused to play. He was no longer speaking to Fai either, and determined to wait the magician out.

It would seem like a peaceful cease-fire to anyone outside their circle.

But Syaoran (The new, or old? Or first, or second?) and Sakura and Mokona were only waiting for the bombs to drop.

-----

There were four mugs full in the refrigerator now.

Fai set his jaw and took them out. He poured their contents down the drain, fighting the new instinct that awakened at the smell.

The blood-lust. The craving. The inhuman hunger.

The animal.

The monster.

Fai ran hot water and washed the mugs thoroughly, leaving them to dry in the drain.

-----

"Fai-san! Are you alright?" Sakura exclaimed.

"I'm fine, I'm fine!" He waved a hand dismissively. "Just a wrong step, that's all."

"No, you look awfully pale, Fai-san." Syaoran said. "You should go back to the house and rest."

"I'm supposed to be pale, aren't I?" Fai tried to joke, "After all, I am a—"

He stopped, pointedly _not_ looking at Kurogane.

The silence was heavy and awkward.

"Mokona, you go with Kurogane-san and Syaoran-kun," Sakura instructed, handing the small white creature to Syaoran. "I'll make sure Fai-san gets back to the house safely."

"Mokona is worried about Fai too!"

"All this fuss, I'm fine—!"

"You, hush," she chided. "You've done your share of taking care of all of us. Now it's my turn to take care of you."

"Okay." Fai grumbled, too weak to make much of a protest. "But you're not taking the 'mommy' title away from me."

"I would never dream of it."

-----

Once Fai and Sakura were out of sight, Kurogane fell heavily onto a nearby bench.

Syaoran was quiet for a moment. Then, "It's bad, isn't it?"

"What?" Kurogane growled.

"You've never needed to rest before. Not once. So it's bad."

"Yeah." Kurogane admitted, "It's bad."

Syaoran frowned. "Maybe ... if you told him ..."

"He wouldn't listen."

"Maybe I could try ..."

"He wouldn't listen."

"Is there anything I can do to help?" Syaoran asked, helplessly.

"Mokona wants to help too!"

Kurogane sighed. "Aside from beating some sense into him?"

A bit of a smile quirked at the corners of Syaoran's mouth. "Do you think it would work?"

Kurogane shook his head. "Just let this play out. Let me handle it."

"Alright." Syaoran answered quietly. But his eyes were worried. "If that's what you want, Kurogane-san."

Kurogane nodded and leaned back into the bench, resting.

Syaoran sat down on the bench beside the ninja, waiting for Kurogane to recover enough strength to continue.

"Fai-san!" Sakura cried again, as he stumbled once more.

"It's nothing to worry about, Sakura-chan."

"Kurogane-san's right. You are an idiot." She tugged his arm over her shoulders to help support him as they walked. Then she looked up into his surprised face and smiled. "Sometimes, anyway."

"Well. I suppose you can't both be wrong."

"Hm."

"It's just because—I'm not quite adjusted to—or healed, yet."

"It's because you're not eating properly."

"I eat."

"I said 'properly'."

Fai was so shocked he almost fell down.

"Fai-san!" Sakura struggled under his sudden weight. She managed to guide him over to a low rock wall where he could sit down. "Here. You know, you're quite heavier than you look."

Fai leaned over, almost bent in half, and wrapped his arms around himself in misery. He did not want to be this way, he did not want to _let_ anyone see him this way. But he was so damn tired.

After a moment, he muttered, "How can you stand to be around me, knowing what I am? I can't stand to be around me."

"I don't care."

"What?"

"So you're part vampire. You're still Fai." she said, softly. Sakura sat beside him on the rock wall and placed a light hand on his back, rubbing slowly. "Do you think any of us care? We all would choose for you to live, rather than die." She paused. "The only one who's not okay with it is you."

"I didn't want this." Fai mumbled into his knees, squeezing himself tighter. "I don't want this. I wanted to die."

"Well then, you're stupid _and_ selfish."

Fai looked up at her, surprised to hear such harsh words coming from the young girl.

"But we still love you."

Sakura stood and held out her hand to him, smiling.

"Come on, let's keep walking. We can make something nice for dinner, to surprise Kurogane-san and Syaoran-kun when they get home."

-----

Syaoran pushed his plate away and leaned back. "That was an excellent meal. Thank you, Fai-san."

Fai smiled, wanly. "Sakura-chan deserves the thanks. She did most of the work."

"And it turned out so well because Fai-san gave me excellent directions to follow," she pointed out.

Fai had only taken a few bites from his plate, mostly out of protest over the fact that he was _not_ hungry. Not for food.

Kurogane had not eaten at all.

Sakura began to clear the dishes, and Fai got up to help. He reached for Kurogane's untouched plate, determinedly ignoring the crisp white bandage around the ninja's wrist.

Kurogane stood and left the kitchen without a word.

Fai stopped, still holding two plates, and stared after him.

"Go." Sakura said, taking the plates from him. "Go talk to him. Syaoran-kun and I can wash the dishes."

"I can't ..."

"Yes, you can." She sighed. "But if you won't stop being stupid, at least go get some rest."

-----

Fai knocked once, lightly.

No answer.

He went inside anyway.

Kurogane was laying on his bed, eyes closed, still clothed. Fai noticed for the first time how tired the ninja looked, how worn. He knew it was his fault, and he hated himself more for it.

Fai sat down beside Kurogane and took the bandaged wrist gently in his hands, pulling carefully at the white gauze.

Kurogane said nothing; made no protest.

Fai flinched at the vivid red slashes across Kurogane's wrist. He opened the small jar of ointment he had brought with him and smeared a generous amount of a pale, silky, foul-smelling salve across the cuts.

It tingled and Kurogane could feel it begin to warm, begin to heal. But it was pointless to heal when he would have to keep cutting himself.

Fai finished bandaging up his wrist. Then he took a breath and stared down at Kurogane's arm cradled in his hands.

"So I exist now, huh?" Kurogane muttered.

"I'm mad at you." Fai returned quietly.

Kurogane sighed. "I noticed."

"My usual method of ... not dealing with things is to run away." He laughed, a sound without mirth. "But I can't run away from you, can I."

"You've been doing a good job so far."

"Why did you do this? I told you I wanted to die." He closed his eye and sighed. "It would have been so ..."

"Cowardly. Stupid. Selfish."

"You and Sakura-chan are in agreement about stupid and selfish. Cowardly is a new one, though."

"But accurate."

"Mm."

Kurogane sat up beside him, and held out a knife in his palm. Fai trembled inside as he looked at it, knowing this must be the same knife Kurogane used to cut himself.

"If you really want to die, go ahead and do it. If you really want to die, do it now and stop making the rest of us care about you and hurt over you. Put yourself and us out of your misery."

Kurogane pointed the knife at Fai's heart with one hand, and used the other to take one of Fai's hands and place it on the knife. Kurogane let go.

Fai stared down at the knife, flexing his fingers against the handle.

"I ... What about you? If I ..." He took a deep breath and looked up at Kurogane. "Would it affect you?"

Kurogane's voice was low, "It doesn't matter."

"Yes, it does." Fai returned quietly.

"You're killing us both already."

"What?"

Kurogane held out his bandaged wrist in front of Fai's face. "I need this, as much as you do. Bleeding myself helps a little, but it's not what I need."

"Oh, hells." With a whimper, Fai let go of the knife and dropped his head into his hands.

"If you really are interested, I talked with those two vampires, after. If I die, you die. If you die, I die." He chuckled, low. "Till death do us part."

Voice low, angry, and accusing: "And I am a parasite. You turned me into a parasite. A monster."

"No. My blood is bound to you magically. I do not lose anything when you take. But if you do not take, I get weaker; the same as you."

"Symbiosis."

"Yes."

"Till death do us part." Fai laughed. "Literally. Stuck together. Forever."

"I don't regret it." Then he added, "Not yet, anyway."

Fai sighed, otherwise silent.

"Let me ask you one question. Are you mad because you wanted to die and I saved you, or are you mad because you hate having to spend the rest of your life with me?"

Fai glared at him, ice blue eye full of fire. "And why would you want that? I am a coward. I am stupid. I am selfish. So why the hell would _you_ want me tied to you for the rest of your life?"

Kurogane answered easily, "I knew all that, when I made my choice. So why would I save you anyway?"

"I don't know!" Fai shouted.

Kurogane curled a tight fist into Fai's shirt and yanked the mage closer, making sure he was paying complete attention. Red eyes locked onto a blue eye as he spoke, "Because I believe you're worth saving. Because I didn't want to lose you. Because the princess would cry if you died. Because the brat loves you too. Because the stupid manjuu was crying and begging the Witch to help you. Because _we need you_." He shoved Fai away, roughly. "Pick one."

Fai touched a hand to his chest, rubbing the place where Kurogane had shoved. "I ..."

Kurogane had finally had enough, and he let all of his frustration and anger show.

"You really are the most selfish, stupid bastard I have ever met. You say you don't want to be involved, and you never let anyone too close to you. You put on that stupid fucking smile and you pretend that everything is okay. But we all know that _everything_ is wrong. And we all care about you, but you won't let us help you. We _are_ involved, whether you like it or not. So why don't you just _stop being selfish_!"

Fai bowed his head low, accepting the words and the anger and the truth of it all. "Am I really that terrible?"

Kurogane exhaled a sharp breath. "You can be."

"Oh."

"And I knew all that." Kurogane informed him, quietly. "And I saved you anyway."

Fai nodded, looking at the floor. "Even though you hate me."

"God, you're stupid. I don't hate you."

"Hm."

"I don't like you, sometimes. Frequently." He added, voice soft, "But I don't hate you."

"Good thing, I suppose." Fai murmured, "Till death do us part, and all."

"Yeah."

Fai sat up, spine straight and shoulders back. "So what do you want me to do?"

"I want you to stop being selfish. I want you to start being honest. I want you to realize that your life is something of worth, not something to throw away. I want you to realize that what you do affects all of us. I want you to _be_ involved—with me."

Fai laughed a little, and smiled. "That's a lot."

"You can start on the rest tomorrow." Kurogane held out his arm again, in front of the magician's face. "Tonight, I only want you to drink."

"I ... don't want to." Fai whispered, gently trying to push the arm down and away from his mouth.

"I don't care." Kurogane stated, unmoved.

"Fair enough. I suppose I have to get used to you ordering me around, huh?"

"No." Kurogane pulled his arm away. "That's not how this works."

"But ..."

"There's another one. I want you to _want_ to live. If you can't, then take the knife now and end it here."

Fai made his choice.

He turned, one leg bent under him and the other over the edge of the bed, and leaned into Kurogane. Kurogane bent his head away from Fai, exposing his neck in submission. Fai closed his eye and touched his nose and mouth to the smooth skin of the offered neck.

Fai could hear—he could _feel_ the blood pounding fast and hot underneath the skin. It was intoxicating. It was scary, how much he _wanted_ this.

"I want this," Kurogane murmured. "Please."

Fai opened his mouth and bit—lips curled back and sharp teeth piercing vulnerable skin. Blood, thick and rich and hot and bittersweet, filled his mouth.

It was not at all what he expected. There was nothing disgusting about this. This was only right, and perfect, and beautiful.

This was _life_; a deeper connection than Fai had ever before experienced. It was basic, carnal, mental, physical, madness, completion, lust, love, power, weakness, joy, death and _life_ all at once.

It was the fight, the win, and the surrender.

Fai moaned, the sound muffled against Kurogane's neck. Kurogane's hand gripped tighter to the back of the mage's neck, encouraging fingers tangled in blond hair.

Fai drank slowly, savouring every delicious drop. He withdrew his teeth and sucked gently, rolling the exquisite taste on his tongue.

This could easily become an addiction.

The thought brought him back to reality, and he pulled back. He licked tenderly at the four neat puncture wounds, catching a stray trickle of red on his tongue.

When he looked at the ninja's neck, he was surprised to see that the wounds were already closed, already fading, and gone.

Kurogane looked positively drugged. Post-coital, almost.

Fai stared in amazement. He wondered if he looked the same; he definitely _felt_ the same.

"You okay?" Fai whispered. He risked a glance down and his suspicion was confirmed: Kurogane was aroused too.

"Yeah." Kurogane answered, voice gruff and low and a bit dazed. "You?"

"I'm okay."

Fai couldn't stop himself—he leaned in and pressed his mouth to Kurogane's. Kurogane groaned and grabbed him with a force that he had obviously been holding back. Kurogane fell onto the bed and pulled Fai with him, their mouths crushed together, kisses lustful and greedy.

"Wait, wait ..." Fai murmured as he began to pull away.

"What the hell?" Kurogane growled, trying to tug Fai closer again.

Fai had to ask, before this went too far. He wanted to be sure that this was not just some side effect of the drinking. "Do you want this? Are you sure you want this?"

"Is this what _you_ want?" Kurogane asked instead.

Fai answered honestly, "Yes."

"Me too."

Kurogane rolled on top of Fai, his weight pressing the wizard down into the mattress. Fai wrapped his arms tightly around the ninja's back, arching against him.

The tang of blood was still on Fai's tongue, but neither cared.

Fai let go, gave himself up completely, let himself fall into this madness, and went willingly.


End file.
